// i am in shock

I have felt so discouraged for the past several weeks. (I am not anymore). But during that time of "despair", I was enlightened. Firstly, through this amazing video I ran across online (which is uber cute!). When I watched it for the first time (I ended up watching it three more times afterwards), I cried. It is basically a video of what my heart cries for from my mighty God to bring into my life. A man that loves me so passionately that he'd be willing to move mountains to be with me and show me his undying love. At first it made me jealous. But then, during the second and third time watching this video, God began to transform my selfish heart into a heart beating with dreams and hope for this to one day be my story of a sweeter song. It became a story of encouragement, rather than a story that showed me what I DIDN'T have. You have to watch this. Guys, take note. Girls, have a box of tissues ready! Here, have a look for yourselves!!!!!


And secondly, through a mighty BIG God. Have I told you lately just how mighty our God is? I mean, He's a pretty BIG deal. Incredibly awesome. Totally cool. 


Here's the gist....

So, Fridays are basically another mundane day in the life of yours truly: another day to work, sleep, work, study, work,wait, work,wait,wait, and wait some more. Can I let you in on a little secret? I cry sometimes. 

Yeah. I do. 

And it's usually over having to wait-while seeing other girls (yes, girls-who are not even women yet!) that are younger than myself get engaged and married. I get so discouraged when it seems like everyone is moving ahead, while I am stuck in the "warped" reality of this crazy, endless cycle of work, eat, sleep, wait; repeat.


I am the caboose. 

I am the end of the line. 

Still waiting. 

Forever alone. 

What's the point?

I could easily succumb to this thought process. Again and again. Over and over. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm only twenty-one, almost twenty-two! People tell me that I have time. And...I do. But to see everyone I know grow up, get married and leave me behind makes me feel strange. Strange, as in, they must be better people and more deserving of love


I want to believe that through all of this my desires are for realz. Waiting on God has proven to be a difficult task. There's a LOT of aching involved. A lot of RISK. Which often leaves me wondering: If I wait on God will He lead me to the one, or will I be, literally, forever alone? I don't want all of this aching to be for nothing. I want God to craft my soul into a display of splendor! Truly radiant. I want my journey in seeking after God to not assuage (awesome word!) my desire to be married, but to DEEPEN it!



Sometimes it's all too much to bear. But, even through the aching I want God to make me heart a beautiful one. Truth be told, I am in doubt that God will ever bring me by Boaz; but I feel that there is wonder at work in my heart. A story that God is slowly unfolding-a story that is a holy one. A story that is LOVE. And while it seems impossible to do, I want-no, need-to stay awake to my hurting and doubting heart. I love this quote by Staci Eldredge (I would seriously have a fan-girl moment if I were to ever meet her!) that struck my heart hard today. 



WE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AS LONG AS WE ARE TRYING TO LIVE APART FROM OURSELVES OR IN DISREGARD OF OURSELVES, OUR HEARTS, OUR DESIRES, OUR ACHE.

I desire to be a woman who is thankful for how God has made me, trusts that He is transforming me, and actually enjoys who I am. God loves me; I should too! I just need to hold on to His many promises, such as Matthew 6:33.

SEEK YE FIRST THE KINGDOM OF GOD AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS; AND ALL THESE THINGS SHALL BE ADDED UNTO YOU
Obviously God will bless those who seek Him. Who flee to Him. Who cling to Him tightly. I love that, in this huge world, we are not alone. That you and I are not by ourselves. EVER. The beauty of being protected is that God also promises that He will, as told in Hebrews 13:5: 
NEVER LEAVE [US], NEVER WILL I FORSAKE YOU.
...And...
GOD IS WITHIN HER, SHE WILL NOT FEAR; GOD WILL HELP HER AT BREAK OF DAY (Ps. 46:5).
Ladies, I am gonna leave it at that. How truly blessed we are to have a mighty God!!!!! 

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