// Behind every "no" is a better "yes"
It's me! Yeah, here I am again. What's new, you ask? Oh, I celebrated Turkey Day 2014. It was a blast. SO MUCH FOOD! Unbelievable. I have decided and prayed heavily for God to lead me towards a Mission Trip for 2015. And guess where....France!!! My church is going to go to France and do a week and a half of VBS for kids who have yet to know God's love. Incredible, right!? Yeah, I know! I am excited and know God will ultimately provide.
Anyhow, today I wanted to come to you guys and share something with you that's been on my heart for the longest time. Some of you know that my first and only boyfriend broke up with me in September of 2013. No worries, I am over the heartbreak. All is forgiven. But my feelings, I must confess, are still alive as ever. (Did I mention he goes to my church now-a-days?).
Nah, just a little uncomfortable, but he keeps his distance (which sometimes drives me crazy), but if he didn't keep his distance, I'd be liable to kiss him. Lord knows I am over the heartbreak, but nowhere near over him. Well, to be honest, it's made seeing him so hard to bear. I'll be open here and just say that I want him back. I know, I know. I should look forward and give up on these notions that we're "meant to be". Yada-yada. But a part of me had felt extremely hopeful since we parted ways. I have prayed for these feelings to GO AWAY. But a part of me still hopes. I have been mad at God for not taking my feelings and ripping them to shreds. I pray that these hopes and feelings of certainty disappear, because I really don't want to fool myself into thinking I am still in LOVE. (Even though I can still hear his voice clearly, smell his cologne perfectly, and feel for him deeply). Oh, the craziness!
Anyhow, the message from this past Sunday really spoke to me. It gave me hope and a reason to break my Alabaster Box (Mk. 14:3-9) at the feet of Jesus and surrender all to Him. Sunday was a bitter sweet day to hear a strong and powerful message. So much sorrow flowed through the church, but there was so much joy and peace that it was an indescribable and irresistible time to worship as each was called.
The speaker was incredible. His relation to Pastor David was touching and mind blowing. You see, our pastor had been a part of our church for seventeen years! And this Sunday speaker was the one who introduced Long Hollow's pastor to the congregation. It was incredible to see how the speaker tied in the past troubles of the church to Matthew 14:22-33 as an illustration of what it means to trust that God knows best. I needed that message. It's surprising to me how much I needed it, because I didn't realize all the emotions and pent up frustration had been holding inside of me towards God. Maybe I feel a sense of entitlement (yeah, I guess you could say that) that I have worked so hard to please God that He should be more apt to want to answer my prayers-the way I want them answered.
Being single, as I will use this as my illustration (since church problems are seldom understandable), is (as I say) tough. It's difficult. And I sometimes hate the idea of being single when so many girls have someone by their side. I get frustrated by it. I get mad at God for it. And I become resentful, envious, and angry. I become mellow-dramatic and can get somewhat Bipolar in regards to wanting something that God just won't give me, pronto. And thus, you now know why I needed the sermon.
Well, to start you off, as I mentioned we were in Matthew 14:22-33. It is an amazing passage if you give the time to study it in depth. It definitely gave me different things to think about, for sure. And it was neat to see the whole passage play out to the glory of God! Whoa. Here's a few things I noticed during the sermon over the passage:
- God told His followers to get on the boat. He didn't ask them, He ordered them.
- God knew there was going to be a storm that night. He knew the disciples would encounter that storm. And He knew they'd be out that night struggling 'til 3 A.M to fight the waves and the wind to get to the opposite side of the sea (which, in reality was more like a lake).
- It is referenced in Mark (v. 6:48) that God was intending to pass them [the disciples] by as He walked on the water towards the boat. It struck a cord in my that spoke numbers to my heart: that, like Peter, it's our choice whether to go out in the storm, face it head-on, and meet Jesus in the middle, or, to let the opportunity to be blessed "pass" us by.
In essence-God allows storms to come (knowing full well they're coming and He's sending you their direction) to redirect us. And in my position, while I feel in my heart there's hope for my future, right now I am having to learn that I'm not always going to get what I want NOW, or even LATER. Sometimes God says no to us because He wants us to struggle for a time, to get stronger, more independent, and more reliant and depended on Him, not man! Behind every "no" is a better "yes". While I have no clue what that better "yes" looks like, I simply pray to hope that my feelings are from Him and not a hope placed in selfish desires and of man.
Like I said, God spoke to me. He didn't say "He's coming"; "You're feelings are right"; "Just wait and see". No. He told me "seize the moment to serve me during this time of singleness"; "take this chance to know Me"; "allow me to do good works for you!" God wants me to seize the moment and not let Him pass me by. There are so many blessings that God has in store for me, but like anyone, I must pay attention to the details, because sometimes those blessings are not big and obvious. Sometimes they're subtle but the most impactful.
I AM PRAYING FOR PEACE. FOR FAITH TO TAKE HOLD AND CARRY ME THROUGH THESE YEARS KNOWING YOU HAVE A PURPOSE FOR EVERY BREATH I BREATHE. I WANT TO SEIZE THE MOMENT. I WANT TO TRUST IN YOU WITH MY LIFE THAT WHAT YOU HAVE PLANNED FOR ME IS GOING TO WORK TO FRUITION AS YOU PROMISE IN PHILIPPIANS. I WANT TO DO LIFE BIG AND DO IT WELL. SUPPLY ME WITH COURAGE AND STRENGTH, LORD. BEING SINGLE HURTS. BUT WANTING SOMEONE I CANNOT HAVE HURTS MORE. GIVE ME REST IN YOU. GIVE MY HEART PEACE AND HELP ME TO FOCUS ON WHAT'S REALLY IMPORTANT-YOU.