Online dating has become all-too common a thing to do. It looks cool. Yeah, people even meet their spouse there, too. But, want to know the reality? If you do online dating, be prepared for more heartache than actual success.
It's not as fun as it looks. Trust me. I have been into the online dating scene (only until recently) and have experienced more heartache than success than I'd ever wish to experience in a lifetime.
I honestly don't think online dating is what God had in mind when he created romance. Talking to random guys online, then moving to text, then meeting in person, and then talking continuously for two weeks after...then nothing...seems to have a greater impact on ones' self-esteem than people might think, and it's not by any means ROMANTIC!
In fact, if you really want an insiders view on online dating, then I will be honest and tell you that it's all a game. Whether or not you're meeting to have sex (in which I have never done!), it's more about the test run than it is about procuring a relational foundation with that said man or woman.
Dating, period, isn't fun. But I will go ahead and say this, if you're thinking about dating online, let it be known that it can/does become an obsession. It becomes, well, like a hobby, really. And that, I will say, does distract from ones relationship with Christ, because you're too busy dwelling over the questions pertaining to the reasons behind why the guy you were talking to for two weeks suddenly STOPPED talking to you. (I have been there, done that! Not fun).
Recently, this happened to me. Hence the reason behind why I recently ended my love affair with the thrill of online dating (which wasn't an intentional type of dating at all. Not very realistic, either!). Anyway...as I was doing my morning study, I ran across a quote that really made me think:
We must focus on who God wants us to be, before we worry about who we are supposed to be with. (Jarrid Wilson)
Truthfully, that quote would have made me smile. Probably even cry. As it really should! Because it's so true. But, yes, it's been difficult to read this, and be happy and smile about the beautiful truth of this quote when all I could see was the depressing reality of my life--->SINGLE.
And as a single woman and dating, you often find yourself wondering, in the midst of rejection "when will it be my turn?"/ "When will my prince come?"/ "Why do they all leave?"/ "When will I be enough?"/ "What's wrong with me? Am I broken, invisible, worthless?"/ "Why do they not want me!?"
These questions stack up in my mind like legos that a two-year-old puts together with determination before knocking them down in a fit of joyousness. Only...my lego castle doesn't get knocked down by joyful babies whose laughter is contagious and smiles are beyond cute. Instead, my lego castle get plowed over by the awful fact that I go on dates (to hopefully find the one) only to be discouraged and left with an empty place in my heart, left with a deeper wound and a stronger longing to belong.
My lego castle doesn't stand a chance against the powers of emotional turmoil. To feel powerless against it is overwhelming. You can't stop the invasion. You can't control the outcome.
Ladies, in the online dating world, men will enter your heart. They will plunder the vastness of your loving and caring soul, take what doesn't belong to them, and leave you with missing pieces to your puzzled heart. Leaving you with a hamburger heart-riddled with filthy stains, rips and tears, and damaged (feeling beyond repair).
THERE IS HOPE!
I wrote in my journal last night to try and put my feelings into perspective and to try and encourage myself.
Alright. Emily, it's over. You need to breathe and fix your eyes back on God. Don't take to heart so readily the lies the world would have you believe-that just because one man doesn't want you, it doesn't mean that the right one won't. It takes a special person to want to love a special lady-to respect her, to need her, to rejoice in her presence; and to want to learn about her in all aspects of who she is and the woman God has created her to be, and the woman God is leading her to become.
You don't fit the normal patterns of this world. You are unique in the songs that you sing. You are independent, loving, energetic, dorky, and very strong-willed! Just because a man writes you off means-obviously-that he wasn’t worth your time anyhow. REMEMBER-being single is only a season. And just as the flowers in spring have faith that they’ll bloom, so should you have faith that when the time is right you’ll be more than ready to bloom-you’ll be ready to fly!
Oh, how I needed to write those words to myself. But, they are meant for you, too! Sometimes, encouraging words help soothe the soul, especially a single girl’s soul. It’s not ideal, for sure. But, what I am learning during this season-patience, obedience, love, hope, and faith-will affect me greatly and prepare me immensely for when the time does come to leave my parents and cleave to my husband.
Sisters, being single isn’t BAD. Just hard. Instead of dwelling (like I have), join me in this time of being single by allowing God to teach us about what love really means, and about contentment in what and where we are “in the now” rather than where we’d rather be in terms of romance.
I love the verse, Psalm 3:4. It says so much about how God really does hear all we say and how he truly does answer our prayers, but on His own time. I cry out to the Lord daily for an answer to my singleness. Except, instead of waiting diligently for his reply, I get wrestles and abandon all sense of focus, and do my own thing. I have done my fair share of waiting, but I have done very little in regards to listening. (And I am sure you have, too!).
Look, you and I need to get our priorities straight. What is our best yes? Is wasting all our precious time and energy trying to pursue and win the hearts of men worth our best yes?! Shouldn’t our best yes be to focus on pursuing God and giving out hearts completely to Him? Yes! That’s the definition of the best yes! I mean, it’s obvious that God wants this of us. It clearly states in Matthew 6:33 that we should “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”.
So, ladies, it’s high time we ditch the dating scene and get on board with God’s divine plan and explore the vastness and richness of the single life with Him at the helm. Sail the high seas and conquer whatever it is you dream of doing or experiencing. But remember, let your best yes be a yes that pursues God and entrusts your heart to Him. The rest, I assure you, will flow forth from your faithfulness.