try not to look for love

Oh boy! Try not to look for love. You have got to be kidding! And crazy! If you haven't learned by now- being single yourself-that NOT looking for love is as easy as opening a jar of jelly that's sealed so tight it makes you wish you had a man with muscles around just to watch him open it!

My heart swells in uptight anger when I try to NOT think about love, let alone look for it. It's such a hard deal for those of us who are ready to make a commitment in a relationship and settle down. I know that I can hardly go a day without thinking about my future husband, which isn't a bad thing, but it takes the focus off of what I surely and dearly need to focus on-Jesus Christ.

While I know this is true-that we must focus on Christ. It's sometimes too much for the human side of love to devote affection to a spiritual figure. It's difficult enough to NOT look for love; especially when we (even me!) often wonder when we'll find it, or wonder IF we already have.
I struggle with wanting love so bad it hurts (seriously). And what's worse is that I get so uptight when I don't get what I think I need NOW, or, super excited when I think I have found the one (even though there's a greater possibility he's NOT the one at all).

I have often wondered what true love looks like and how I'll know when I have found it. The Bible is the perfect place to find the truest form and definition of LOVE. This book is peppered with words of encouragement and dozens of depictions of what True Love looks like.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.” —I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

This verse perfectly described the essence of true love. It is a picture of what we should be looking for in our relationships, especially in the dating arena. These qualities can certainly be found in Jesus Christ. But how can these characteristics of love be "found" in in our dating lives?

For me the problem stems from looking too much in to the physical appearance of a person. And while I personally think attraction (not necessarily looks) are an important aspect of a relationship, the Bible clearly points out that God doesn't look at physical appearance, but at the heart. So, in other words...we should do the same.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “…The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”—I Samuel 16:7b (NIV)

What I am figuring out-hopefully early enough in the game-is that love is best seen through devotion and action, rather than emotion. Take it from someone who relies a lot on emotion-how we act, and what we do should not exclusively be based on how we feel. Of course, emotions are going to be involved, but they shouldn't be our only criteria for love. When you're in love (and I have seen this in action), your devotion to that person will always lead to action, which equates to true love. 

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth."—I John 3:18 (NIV)

So…with that being said, how do we identify true love? Well, look to God as the ultimate example. He died on the cross for our sins (Romans 5:8), even when He didn’t feel like (Matthew 26:39), and called us redeemed (Isaiah 62:12).

You know, there's a trick to identifying true love. Wanna know the secret? We can only identify true love and even know when we've found it, based on the Word of God ( The trick to finding true love is matching our relationships up to what the Bible says love actually is, rather than what me want. Anybody can say they're "in love", but with a true love comes a life-long commitment to that person. It involves an undissolved love and devotion to Christ (who should be the center of the relationship to guide you towards a true and lasting love). And, as with any relationship, honesty with yourself is key. 

To sum up this post, take a look at this photo-->

So, basically as I have said....there's no need to chase love, or attract love. I know. So hard! I understand this completely, because I am struggling with this, too. But, I am learning (like this quote states) that all I have to do is be MYSELF. And those that belong in my life will COME AND STAY...not because I changed who I was so that they would, but because they were attracted to the genuineness that I exuded. You can't fake being genuine. 

So, lovelies, stop chasing love and let it find you. It will not be instant, it might take a while for love to find you-so don't give up. But realize that by letting God write your love story, you're going to get the best He has to offer. Don't settle for average. There's a sweeter song out there and it's absolutely amazing. Hang in there, love. God's crafting the perfect one. Be patient. Breathe. 


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