love story


Sounds nice. Sounds too good to be true, really-to have a love story come to life as simple as saying "baby, just say, 'yes'"!

Awe. How sweet. But no where near reality!

Wouldn't that be the dream right there? For that love story you've been waiting on to come true with the click of a pen, push of a button, a fast as you can say "yes"? I would, admittingly, LOVE for that to be the case with my so-called love life (er, more like the absence of one). If you were to tell me that if I bat my eyes three times that my prince would appear, I would be gullible enough to try. Anything to find that instant love 

That's not how I used to be. 

I remember being in 8th grade and making my decision to not only serve Christ through being pure in my Christian walk, but also pure and faithful to my future husband. I vowed to not date any guy that came looking my way (after puberty had settled down, of course) because I felt that waiting until God placed him in my path was a special commitment that I wanted to make. I felt that He was calling me to lead a single life for the Lord.

Up until about the age of 19 I did a fine job at keeping my promise. Of course the struggle was real, especially while watching my sister date and then almost marry her boyfriend Ben of 2+ years. However, the whole purity thing got misconstrued and defiled when I chose to torture and neglect my body-God's temple. I didn't have sex or anything, but I did destroy my body-something that was very dear to God. I did it out of spite towards my parents and siblings, even God.

I never realized how angry I really was until I met my eating disorder. But during my journey in the single life, I'd never truly conducted myself in joyful servant-hood. I did't go to church. I prayed a little-only for what I wanted. I didn't read my Bible, because I didn't care to. So, essentially, I drifted away from God, my family, and chipped slowly away at my purity. 

It wasn't until I went through treatment and a couple years of weekly counseling that I realized how selfish I had been. I had tortured myself, disrespected my family, was unfaithful to God, and had defiled His temple. I had spat in many faces during that time, and I was ashamed. 

Even after treatment and stuff, I rarely found interest in mingling. Because of that, one day in counseling my counselor challenged me to get on a dating site and pursue a relationship with the opposite sex. Apparently I needed to socialize. So...I went on with the intention of finding friends, but really didn't expect anything to happen. Never having been on that type of site, never having dated, and only ever having dealt with guys as friends, I went on blindly. 

I was on the dating site for several months. Not really pursuing anything. I just browsed. I wasn't really interested in the guys who messaged me, not even in the guys I saw who had potential. In my heart of hearts I was still waiting. Not willing to give up my long-living streak of being...single

That is...until Kenneth came along. Two months of messaging had me hopelessly hooked. I was intrigued by his passion for Christ, by his love for family... by his humor. It was with him I ended my life as a single person. I placed being single behind me and was ultimately focused on him-heart, soul, and mind. We dated for nine months. Nothing was wrong. Everything was perfect. 

As I look back on what went wrong, I realize that God wasn't in the picture. He was there when and if we needed Him, but He wasn't our focus. We were having fun, being in love. And God had taken the back seat. 

Our life is a ridiculously amazing love story if we choose to allow Christ to take the pen and write those chapters for us. I read a quote the other day by a man named Oliver Wendeli Holmes.."Life is a romance...but you have to make the romance..."

As I can only imagine, this quote would seem surprisingly controversial. I say this, because it doesn't match up to what God designed romance to essentially be. I cannot help but think how untrue this quote is in the context of love...and romance. Reading When God Writes Your Love Story has opened my eyes to the beauty behind romance ans true love. 

It's not our place to "make the romance" in our relational lives. In fact, if we're being honest here, this mind set does more harm than good, especially when the world says it's okay to be in control of romance. However, this quote has one thing right..."life is a romance"... but that depends on where we choose to place our time and devotion.'s romantic to be in love and passionate with the opposite. But what makes life a romance is not the sexual opportunities available, but our relationship with the Almighty. I'm learning-very poorly, I might add-that to experience LOVE in a unique and wholesome way-without the potential of getting a hamburger heart-we have to be devoted to the Maker of the Stars rather than the maker(s) of an earthly love that, yes, seems fulfilling but always leaves you wanting. 

I humbly disagree with the idea that we get the rights to make the romance. It would appear as though people these days would willingly disagree with me! but, in all honesty, I think it takes away from the true essence of trusting God to bring a Godly love into our lives. If we're truly able to control our relational lives, without God, then why does love often feel like a huge risk, a huge disappointment, and horribly unstable? 

Most people would probably ask whether it was just as risky to allow God to control our romance. But how could that be when those who wait and trust in God in this area appear to have an authentically pure and devoted love life? I am thinking we as humans have the concept of love all wrong. For one, it's not a one-size-fits-all deal. Neither is it about trying to find "the one". 

If it was...would God have intended life to move that way-without the results of being a hamburger heart survivor? Oh, how we've fallen off the righteous path! We'd much rather follow the beaten path than a path less trodden due to the unknown that lurks at the end. 

I almost don't know how to end this post because, as of right now, I am in this very season of life in which I would much rather follow the beaten trail due to the fact that on that specific trail I get to make my own choices and decisions in the relationship aspect of my life. There on that road, I have the ultimate control

However, since starting this post about a month ago, I have had several revelations that have made me change my course and want to pursue my God passionately, rather than pursue man. Why am I telling you this? Because I don't want you to go looking for love in all the wrong places like I did. You  should firstly look to God for His sovereign love and grace, then ask Him to give you a Christ-like love. Don't pursue man, let God lay that upon his heart to go pursue you in a Godly, gentlemanly way. It will not be this fast and easy road to love, but I have a feeling it'll be the most beautiful ending to a rough season of singleness. 


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