|| its good to be single

Today was a wild day. I got to the preschool (where I work) at 8 o'clock this morning, and was greeted by a room full of kiddos (nine in total). I was overwhelmed; but not nearly as much as I had been a year and a half ago on my first day. I remember that day. Oh, how I was nearly in tears at lunch time when the kids sat down at the table and were quite for a minute-giving me a few seconds (not even minutes!) to mentally process the chaos. None of the kids liked me then. Who could blame a room full of two-year-olds with a complete stranger in the room? Especially one who was a fish out of water when it came to the whole preschool/public school setting.

It's different now, though. The longer I am there, the stronger the bonds are with the kids that I connect with on a daily basis. I love it at the preschool. There's magic that happens there when the kids see you early in the morning, as well as getting to see their eyes light up as they run to give you a "good morning" hug (while some inevitably trip over their toes to get to you before the others do!).

I know this may sound strange (and no, I am not a pervert), but I love changing diapers. Not for the sake of changing diapers. But for the fact that at the end of each and every diaper change, when the kiddos feel fresh and clean, I know there is a hug for gratitude at the end, and sometimes a whispered "I love you". My heart is always blessed at the preschool; because I know that is where the Lord has placed me, knowing that He is using me to touch and inspire the lives of these kiddos through hugs, kisses, and that occasionally random bear hunt.

I believe that God has me at this preschool during this season of singleness knowing my desire to love and be loved. He's preparing me for my own kids, but is also teaching me through these kids a self-less kind of love. It's hard. To love selflessly. On some days I would rather be at home sleeping in, yet knowing that I have these nine kiddos depending on my being there to give them a loving and safe place to be.

On the note of singleness, lately I have been learning (the hard way) that being single doesn't mean that you're-to coin the phrase from the 2003 premier of Peter Pan-"old, alone, done for". It simply means that you're in a season of life where God is molding you into someone that is broken, empty, and lonely.

Okay!!!! Okay!!!! So...it DOES sounds like you ARE old and alone and done for.

But, WAIT. Let's look deeper into God's reasoning for making us broken and lonely, and empty.

It's not rocket science to figure out (unless you're looking in all the wrong places like I have been), that the reason behind WHY God wants us this way is because He wants to be our ONE DESIRE.

My Pastor once said in one of his sermons that God wants to break us. He wants to ruin our lives. At first it sounded cruel and unusual that a man of God would speak in such a way about our loving God. But, as I sat there and thought about it...God has a reason for wanting us broken. He wants us broken so He can heal us-our calloused and broken hearts.

It doesn't sound like positive reinforcement knowing that our God wants us to be empty. But he doesn't want us this way to have a good laugh and watch us suffer. In fact, God's reason for wanting us empty so....we can be filled with His full power and grace and love.

I got the post idea from Sidewalk Prophets "Keep Making Me". And in this song, the lyrics say-->
Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
'Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
'Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely
God want us lonely for that very reason. Because when we're consumed by all the world has to offer in order to fill this gaping hole in our chests that feel hollow, we're not wanting the best that there is-the best thing that there is to receive...Jesus Christ! I have prayed this prayer (sometimes regrettably) that He would make me empty because I do not want to go through this single season of life and meet my future husband without God being the center of my heart. It's a hard prayer. But...in the end, the surrender of your life and the chaos that is dragging you down is totally worth a few years of being lonely compared to a lifetime of not knowing the kind of romance you could have had if you'd let go and let God (it's a good thing this can happen at any time....why not now?). 

It's crazy to ask God to make you lonely or broken or empty. But God wants to be your #1. He wants to be at the center of your heart....not in the corner tucked away somewhere for emergency purposes only.

During this season of singleness, take JOY! Don't be defeated by the length of time you remain single, but flourish in the fact that God has a very special purpose for this season, and that only you can do the very thing He has called you to do. Isn't that so special? 

In addition, while you wait, guard your heart. This is a intricate and special center of all your emotions. Guard it well and give it to God to hold and purify. Then when the time comes, God will give the key to The One who deserves to unlock your whole heart. 


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