its a relief


It is finally the weekend! Huzzah!
This week has been a toughie. I cannot begin to describe to you just how serious my love affair with Starbucks has become. Talk about love! Serious devotion. Ha!

Speaking of love...that may be the only thing loyal to me, other than my family and God. Today I formally deleted my online dating profiles. For good. Whoa. That was a huge step in faith for me-to let Christ lead my love life. 

I have had those profiles since 2012. It has been a huge part of my life for-what- three years?! Dang. That is really how long I have denied God the ability to rule my love life-how long I have ignored His love by searching for it from man, instead of the one who created it. 

I men, when I think about it, my life is to be a love song for my savior-not for man. My devotion should be for my savior, my heart should be for Him. I have searched so long for love that I have almost forgotten what love really looks like because, well, I have pushed all aspects of love-Godly love-away to pursue a love that might have potential while, really, it is just superficial. 

True love is something else entirely. And Godly love, well, is beyond me! 

I deleted those online dating profiles for many reasons. But my main reason was the fact that it had become an obsession. It was an addiction-browsing the store of online profiles of manly men. It was a thriller that added some fun to my seemingly dull life. It was a distraction, too. And I honestly think that Satin used that to his advantage-to make me take my eyes off of God. He used that hope of finding the one to his advantage And I bought the lie. 

For three years I waited. Dated. Was disappointed and bored with all the guys that failed to meet my expectations and standards. Soon I became disheartened, but obsessively compulsive in my search. 

I have only recently realized this, because of how anxious and weary of men I had become. God was sending me a clear message-"You won't find him here."

I began to pray.

I began to think-ponder.

Then I finally just said "enough". Clicked delete and sighed. It was over. I had given up. Given up control. Gave it up to God. I prayed for patience, faith, hope, guidance. One thing that I believe is super important to realize if you're doing online dating is that you lose yourself. I did. I had to reclaim myself and my dignity and let go. God's love surpasses online love and fantasy.  

If I have learned anything from this experience, it is that God rules your love life. You cannot make love appear out of thin air and you certainly cannot force yourself to like someone, visa-versa.  So..my advice is give up. I am serious. Give up. Stop looking. Start living. It's quite a relief!

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