Holding Out for a Hero
“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”
― Anaïs Nin
You get what you ask for. Maybe there is some truth to the saying. Maybe it is what we go looking for that sheds light on the outcome we will most likely receive.
There seems to be a common thread in the guys I used to date. I wouldn't say that I found myself attracted to the bad guys, but my luck in the dating world was to date the guys on the brink of being labeled a "bad boy"--if they already haven't been labeled that before. At first I thought, much like Anne of Green Gables, that it would be kind of cool to date the "bad" guy. Like Anne said: “Not if he was really wicked. I think I’d like it if he could be wicked, and wouldn't.” But the more I dated, the more dissatisfied with guys I became.
It is my experience that they start out to be good and admirable, with the sweetest intentions...only to want something in return for their efforts in the form of sexual favors. Horrified as I was in those few experiences encountered I, a woman of standards and morals, was not going to play that game. The last thing I was going to do was to give sexual favors to a guy who really didn't care if I was anything more than a fun "play-thing". No. I am not going to cave in for one moment of pleasure for a guy who doesn't even have my best interest at heart! I won’t even do it even if I were in his best interest. A guy who truly cares for me—and I mean really cares, respecting my wishes to remain sexually pure ‘til marriage, would not put me in that position.
So right now, I am holding out for a hero. Someone to save me from my negative way of thinking about men. (Granted, this way of thinking is not feminist by any means, but I am begrudgingly waiting for the Godly men to get off their butts and start acting courageous—like Biblical leaders—heroes). But, I have learned that Godly men--some, not all--are like fish. You have to be patient with them, coax them, and then real them in before they have a chance to escape. Nah, I kidding! Okay, only partially.
You see, in the dating world it;s a lot like fishing. You have to be patient. You cannot rush into any relationship without having a check-list of standards that the person must meet. It's not a bad thing to do this. Actually, from my recent experience, it has kept me grounded spiritually. In the realm of dating there is absolutely no reason why you have to lower your standards to get a great guy! Looking back on the past in the absence of a relationship, I have come to the conclusion that there are some key factors that need to be on the check list before there is any seriousness going on.
a B E L I E V E R
I may not be married, but I am no dummy. There is already so many issues and conflict within a marriage. Why add to it with religion? It is crucial there is a common foundation for both you and your man. The last thing you want is to be fighting over your faith. It's exhausting.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
G O D = C E N T E R
This is important and self-explanatory. If God isn't the center of his life, that guy doesn't need to be the center of yours. He needs to seek God is all things. Have quiet time with God and revere His name.
H O N E S T Y
This, my dears, is huge. You don't necessarily need to look for a guy who is willing to spill his guts to you on the first dozen dates (because, there needs to remain mystery), but he needs to be willing to be open and honest with you. Honesty is a sign of security in who you are--what you see is what you get, and there is absolutely no hiding it. You want a man who can stop the high school dramatics and start being real--real with his struggles, strengths, and weaknesses. Real with his hopes, his dreams, his desires. Real with who he actually is, not who he wants to be. I love what Relevant has to say about this "A man who has nothing to hide becomes the safe place in which a woman can hide her heart."
H U M I L I T Y
This is so essential. His ability to be humble raises him up more than any other earthly thing. He doesn't need to talk up who he is. His life should be an example of that. A man of humility doesn't talk the talk, but instead he walks the walk. He is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry due to the fact that he has put away his "rights" so self for the rights of selflessness, love and compassion.
F I D E L I T Y
He needs to take this one seriously. If he wants you, then he needs to deserve you. And cheating, while forgivable, does leave room for questions and trust-issues. If he is wise, he will not go looking outside the relationship for pleasure. If he is wise, he will be patient and willing to wait for you.
a W O R K E R
This speaks a lot for itself. He needs to be a hard worker. No lazy guy who plays video games all day qualifies as hard-working if he has no motivation in life. He should be a go-getter wanting to protect and provide.
R O M A N T I C
It is natural to desire this. So don't feel guilty about wanting and desiring romance! God desires for your heart to be romanced, just as He longs to romance us.
Song of Solomon 8:6