you found me

The LORD sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness. (NIV)                                                                                                    Psalm 41:3 
I haven't blogged in a while. Here's why: When you mature and grow in your spiritual walk and then talk all your problems over with others and the Lord, things seem so minuscule in comparison to what life and love and the Lord has to offer. You run out of things to say. Your mind feels freer that it has felt in a long time. You don't live online in this cyber world anymore. You actually have the energy and the drive to live a life outside of the blogging world and away from pent up feelings that have often left you numb and emotionless. 
It's amazing the relief and pure joy I have received through the healing that I have experienced through the Love of God. The healing is so pure and so deep that I can feel it with every breath I take. It's unimaginable extacy!

Where would I be without the loving Grace and Strength of my God? Still in the depths of despair.

If you all remember-not last year, but the three years before-I struggled with an eating disorder EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). It was a scary, emotional, and tragic time for me as I learned how to deal with my emotions, transition from child to adult, and face my fears of life head on. 

I didn't want to grow up. I wanted to forever stay in the comfort zone under the safety of my mother's skirt-tail. I wanted to be cuddled, consoled, loved, safe, and not have to have a worry in the world. 

I was scared of the unknown. Of what was yet to come. And even the past haunted me with memories that I often wanted to forget, but somehow couldn't bring myself to do just that-forget, forgive, love, be happy, have joy in my heart, enjoy life, and bask in the comforts and blessings of Christ. 

Fear had a tight hold on my heart, soul and mind. I was it's prisoner. A slave to fear. Dead to love, hope, faith, and happiness. I spent many a day trying to purge myself of these unwanted feelings, whether they were happy ones or sad ones. They didn't feel right to me. And I didn't want them inside me. They were UFOs inside my body. I needed them out and away from me. I didn't want to feel. I wanted to sulk and hate. 

But, in the midst of all that anger and hate that I despised so much-along with so many other feeling-wanting to bottle it all up inside, He found me. He got to me. He saved me. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Sometimes His ways are noticeable and other times His ways just come softly. And in many instances, His ways came softly to me in the form of guiding me to the right doctors, diagnosis, treatment, and in the building of my faith. 
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
                                                                    1 Peter 5:7
While I cannot profess to have the faith of a tall oak tree, I do like to think that my having a childlike faith has enabled me to put forth the abundance of my faith into whatever situation I am in. I am not all-knowing, all-powerful, blameless, sinless, nor am I perfect. But I believe that God does put us through trials and tribulations to refine us and make us better than our former selves. That is, only if we choose to heed His warnings, learn from the lessons, and obey His Word. 

It's such a blessing to be alive and living in this world today. Coming from where I was for three years to where I am now has been no small feat. It's been a wild and crazy ride. But well worth the wait. Worth the hardship. Worth each and every milestone that I have traveled on. 

And through all the trials and tribulations that I have conquered and chosen to allow to affect me and penetrate my heart, I have been blessed beyond my imagination! I have a loving family. A wonderful job. I work with AMAZING people. I am enjoying school and am meeting wonderful people on campus. And I am now in a relationship with a top-notch guy. What more could this daughter of the King ask for? Not much. :D 


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