It's getting late as it is about time for me to go to bed. But I sit here trying to elude sleep, because of how conflicted I feel. I feel as though my heart were to be torn in two, unable to do what I love, but wanting to do what I must to better prepare myself spiritually. I don't owe God anything for the priceless gifts He has given me: life, abounding love, eternal life, His Son. But I feel that I owe it to Him to read His word daily and walk with Him, as payment for all that He has done for me over the past several years and recent months.
Yet, my heart also feels guilty for feeling that way, knowing that God does not demand of me works, especially not without faith. What He has done for me, practically saving my life!, has not cost me a penny. But I feel in debt to Him for sparing my life and giving me a second chance. These feelings, of course, probably stem from the new realization that "whoa, I am alive! What grace!" Yeah, that probably has something to do with it....
I know full-well that I do not need to work for my salvation, or owe God anything for the blessings He chooses to bestow upon me so graciously. I do know that there is a need within my life to walk, talk, and read the Word of God daily. Not just for my pleasure, but for my spiritual growth and maturity as well.
But lately, I have been feeling numb. As if there isn't anything motivating me to seek out my Lord, or delve deep into His word. Lately, I have felt so sluggish in my spiritual walk. I can't concentrate. I can't remember. I can't comprehend (which is nothing new). I can't even learn. I am just so dazed and lazy when it comes to my spiritual growth that it has come to the point where I'd rather not do it, at all.
However, I know that this feeling soon shall pass. I feel as though this is a spiritual restfulness that I am experiencing: where my spirit is quiet and at peace, and replenishing itself, nurturing itself, and healing itself before the next wave of trials, tribulations, and lessons occur.
Psalm 29:11 “The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.
Psalm 34:14b “…seek peace, and pursue it.”
Isaiah 26:3 NKJV “You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.”
Because he trusts in You.”
John 14:27 NKJV “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
Isaiah 30:15b NKJV “In returning and rest shall you be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength:…”
Isaiah 32:18 NKJV “My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.”
Psalm 46:10a “Be still, and know that I am God:…”
Psalm 4:4 “Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.”
Psalm 37:7a “Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:…”
Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
1 Peter 5:7 NKJV “Casting all your care on Him; for He cares for you.”