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ED's Devos: Grief

July 13, 2012

In the U.S alone the number of girls suffering with an eating disorder, like Bulimia and Anorexia, is a staggering "seven million", says South Carolina's Department of Health (DMH). And the number of those that die early from an eating disorder, according to DMH, is "12 times higher than the death rate of ALL causes of death for females".

The numbers make my heart sink knowing that those numbers include me. Satin is frustratingly trying to knock me off my feet, and he's done a pretty successful job thus far. The road to recovery is bumpy, especially for a Christian who is, out of  desperation, clinging to the only hope and source of safety she has-GOD. But even while Satin tries to foil the recovery process by setting road blocks in the way, that doesn't mean we should give up and give in. 

I know. Easier said than done. The temptation to use the behaviors that have proven themselves to us during times when we needed someone to listen and offer hope, have debilitated us from making the right choice. Instead, we chose to inflict harm upon ourselves to obtain the easiest form of comfort. Something that would promise to offer us a way out-to feel, or be numb, or forget. 

Through my journey I have slipped and fallen plenty of times. I am not perfect, but this disorder sure makes me feel like I have to be. Yet, time and again, when I have done all but surrendered myself to God for help, He saves the day and shows me that my attempts to be perfect are thwarting my recovery. And the more I stay submersed in my eating disorder, the harder it is for me to accept that I am not perfect and that the only way out is to lean upon the Lord. 

Thus, this is why I feel that God has laid it on my heart to take up my cross and write devotionals for girls struggling with eating disorders using the lessons in life that He is constantly teaching me, and from the trials He's continuously leading me through. 

Grieving Over Loss

Loosing someone special is never easy. It's a line we've all heard at least once in our lives. Whether it's a mom, dad, friend, grandparent, sibling, or even a pet, loss is not an easy thing to accept. Nor is it an easy thing to understand. 

If you have lost someone close to you recently, or even in the past and are still grieving, I am so sorry. 

I recently lost a dear friend. He wasn't a human, or anything. A cat, actually. But the fact that he's an animal doesn't lessen the pain that I am going through daily. He was a constant companion-a kindred spirit. We were, I like to say-two parts of the same soul. We understood each other. I knew his ways when no one else cared to; and he was the one that seemed to understand more than anyone my struggles with Anorexia. The bond was water tight, and since his passing my heart feels like it's been put through a wood chipper. Severed. 

And while we all grieve, God offers so many comforting words to help those who have experienced loss. I know it's not the same as wrapping your arms around your loved one and kissing them and talking to them and laughing with them, but maybe the words of our Lord will offer a glimpse of hope. 

Today's Scripture
"The Lord also keeps safe those who suffer. He is a safe place in times of trouble." Psalms 9:9-10 NLV
Guess what. Grief is inevitable. There's no way around it. I know, what a drag, right? But, maybe it's not all that bad. I mean, the stabbing that you feel deep in your heart isn't exactly a good feeling, but what if all this suffering was for a purpose that we have yet to see or understand? 

A site called Living Free says that "Recovery from the death of a loved one requires being open with God and inviting him to teach us truths that can be discovered in no other way. As a result, we can draw closer to him, find shelter and healing in his safe place and become better equipped to help others who are facing major challenges in their life."
One thing I have found helpful, especially when I feel alone, is to remember that I am not alone. Not easy, believe me. Most of the time I am so blinded by the fact that my cat isn't with me anymore that I get stuck and can't move forward, or even try to remember that God is there with me. 
But He is! And the good thing is, God is our safety through this storm. Our safe place. It's been a blessing to have God as a place of refuge to run to in troubled times where I can be brutally honest and expresses myself in anger without having to hurt anyone. So, I encourage you to be honest with God. Share with Him your thoughts, concerns, and feelings. I guarantee He will understand-he cares. 
Prayer (taken from Living free)
Father, sometimes I feel so frightened and alone. I know it's time for me to begin moving on … but I'm having a hard time letting go of the grief and pain. Thank you for the safe place you provide. Thank you that I can share my real feelings with you — and that you understand. I pray that you will show me what my next steps are and continue to help me as I begin to take them. In Jesus' name …

Grace Through Grief-songs that have helped me cope with my loss. 

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