Do Not Merely Exist BLESSED SINGLENESS + FORSAKING IT ALL SAIL THE HIGH SEAS + BIBLE MAN ARMOR

He who endures with patience is a conqueror

June 12, 2012

Visiting the North has been an interesting part of my travels. The impressions of that mountainous green land, was, well, less than I expected. Do not get me wrong, the lush greenery of this scenic part of our beautiful America was astounding. But something was missing....
You know how you envision something to be just so before it actually happens? Only to be disappointed with the out come? What is real does not even come close to what was in mind. That was the most vexing part of my trip. I thought that since I was going alone, with my Grandma and Aunt Neva-without my mom or dad or siblings-that I would get to experience what it was like to really be an adult and break in my "big kid" shoes. 
I guess that I overlooked that simple detail: Grandma. While my Grandma is, like, the "queen" of adulthood-being all-knowing and experienced, she is only human and is allowed, I guess, to have trouble seeing her grandchild as an adult. 
This block in my road (my road to discovering adulthood) must have been where God decided to place one of His life lessons. Not only to teach me to count my blessings, but to teach me the virtue of patience. 
God has been all about teaching me patience these past two weeks. If the lesson got through my thick skull, I really can not tell. My nerves are still welded together in an agitated state. And my mind is hanging on a small, thin strand of blood vessels that feel as if they should burst at any moment and ooze the most petrifying substance of unrecognizable brain-matter known to man. 
My trek up North was a trip that was less of an adventure and more like a colossal fail. Okay, maybe that is stretching the truth a little, but this trip-if it was an "adventure"- was a journey to find the strength within myself rather than a journey into the wild, wonderful wilderness.
The places I went and the things I witnessed were beyond my craziest daydreams. But the lessons I faced were something totally unexpected. Before I left, they (my grandparents) told me that this trip should be "one that has no worries or anxiety or stresses", and my mom said that "it should be a trip for building memories. To enjoy life. And to celebrate recovery".
However, I feel like a hopeless loss. Yeah, I know, what's up with the pathetic sob story, right? Well, through this I am struggling within my soul to learn the lesson on patience God has been trying to instill in me for two weeks. Being patient, as well as trying to learn it, is far harder than it appears. 
I have been praying hard to find the patience within myself to keep myself sane and calm towards my Grandma. While I love her dearly, the way I felt while I was with her was far from a "low-stress" experience. 
You all know I struggle greatly with food. And, well, it was even harder for me on this trip: my Grandma was overly protective and overbearing about the food I ate on the trip. And I found myself wanting to dig myself a hole and die. I was angry at God for making me gluten intolerant. I was resentful for having to deal with an eating disorder. And I was mad at my Grandma for treating my like a 2-year-old regardless of what I tried telling her. 
I believe that God was with me the whole trip, staying my hand and calming my wavering soul and quieting my spirit. Though my soul is still settling down and trying to make sense of the lesson God is teaching me (even now after the trip), I have learned bits and pieces to the puzzle that I am still trying to wrap my mind around. 
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And  in those times that I wanted to snap at my Grandma for controlling my food, Numbers 14:18 seemed to stick out in my mind: ‘The LORD is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children, to the third and the fourth generation.’
So, I tried to be slow in anger, steadfast in love, and forgiving of all my Grandma's faults. And while the trip didn't go as planned, God always uses life events and situations, making the best of it in order to teach life's lessons to those that need them the most. 


Noodles, Flip Flops, and Wet Kisses!


Don't forget there's a giveaway making it's debut on the 17th! Check it out!!!! ;)  

1 comment

  1. I'm sorry to hear that your trip wasn't exactly what you had imagined it to be. But God uses people to teach us lessons, and like you mentioned, it sounds like He is teaching you patience through your Grandma. Great attitude towards it all though. :) Beautiful photos Emily!

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