“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay."
I have been learning a lot about myself lately. And one of the lessons that has been most prevalent is that my life is not my own. I am His creation. Made to serve and glorify Him. I do not control how my life ebbs and flows, or the many twists and turns it takes. And I don't need to. Taking the control from God is to welcome in failure, hopelessness, and need. His control of my life is what allows me to live and not merely exist.
To everything there is a season. And my season of life is spring. Blooming flowers and budding trees, buzzing and bustling bees and other winged creatures, tweeting and singing of blue jays and Robins on my porch, fresh earth sifting through my fingers, green grass giving way underneath my feet, sweet perfume from plum trees and juniper. A season of life. A season where creation springs forth furiously and energetically, embracing the purpose of the season-to give birth, cultivate, produce, transform...live.
Embrace this extraordinary life you lead. This is my hearts cry- to embrace my life with fervor because I was created to live an extraordinary life. To break free from the confinements of these sterile white walls I have built around myself. Not to be confined to a jail cell watching paint dry. But like it or not, something always gets in the way of my efforts to follow God on this tremendous journey into adulthood where I experience independence, liberty, and freedom-fear. It prohibits me from experiencing the extraordinary life I want to live, telling me that hiding is better than living and dreaming. Yet, it is with God's help and supply of strength that I spread my wings. Fly. Soar. Breath life anew. See things in a different perspective. Stumble. Falter. Fail. Yet, He's always there to mend my wounds and put me back on my feet. Takes my breath away every time.
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