my week according to ME!

Hey guys!

It's been a while. Okay, maybe not an extremely LONG amount of time, but it feels like forever since I am posted anything. Renfrew is time consuming. It feels like all we do is talk...and eat. I am perfectly fine with this, t be honest with you. However, the other girls there have a difficult time.
Being at Renfrew has opened my eyes to how ridiculously obsessed  this world is with looks (i.e. shape, weight,  etc.). The girls there have such a warped perception of themselves it sickens me with grief that they could even think in such a way about themselves. And yet, I can see that after 8-10 years of doing this religiously, they could become so wrapped up with their eating disorder that it becomes their means of existence--their sole Identity. 
For me, as an onlooker, I can tell you that these girls are beautiful (one has the biggest, bluest eyes!). But they can't see that. And for that reason, along with some other very difficult, and catastrophic reasons, I pity (feel sorry for the girls and want to be encouraging...) them for the happiness they don't have. Yet, I know it's not my place to help them. I can only PRAY for them. And that's what I have been doing.
It's been an interesting week thus far. I have been bloated (due to the refeeding process). With that I have had intense pain, like migraines, swelling limbs, and muscle tenderness (to the point where I couldn't even touch myself AT ALL!). Thankfully this morning is better because 1) I have no migraine! and,  2) the bloating/swelling is going down. THANK GOD!
The emotional stuff is difficult, to say the least. I feel as if I am broken because some of the things don't apply to me. Which, in a sense, I guess is a good thing, because those issues the other girls are dealing with haven't had time to become apart of my eating disorder yet. Now that I am typing this, it's clear to see that the statement above is kind of sneaky, in a sense that that's what my eating disorder would have me believe, if you will--that I'm defective without issues. Whoa.
I am effective not defective whether I HAVE certain issues or not. With some I may not be as effective like I would be with others, but just because you have issues doesn't mean you are automatically labeled as defective. It's okay to have issues. Everyone does. So why would I feel that I am defective for NOT having the same issues as those other girls at Renfrew? It's just silly to think that way. 

Actually, since I am not defective along those lines, I consider myself BLESSED. Yes, blessed, because I don't have to peel away at those issues like those other girls have to do. My issues are in a whole other spectrum and they have nothing to do with my outward appearance. Inward, yes. But to me, my outward appearance was satisfying. I liked the way I looked, and was comfortable in my own skin. I just wasn't always comfortable with who I was, and am, on the inside...if you get my meaning. That's one of my things I need to work on. 
Oh, God is so good!!!!!! My affirmation for the week comes from James 1:2-4: 
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
And my .one thousand gifts. 3 blessings of the day are

  1. being at Renfrew
  2. healing
  3. redemption 
(I know I am WAY behind. But I don't think I am particularly following this whole 1000 gifts in a year thing. I'll just go with the flow!).

And last but not song of the day!!!!
Beautiful by Phil Wickham on Grooveshark

Listening To: Cannons by Phil Wickham
Daily Quote:You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.
– Harriet Woods


  1. I know what u mean about not exactly being able to relate to the other girls. I would get nervous about eating a taco because the spices and grease might hurt my stomach, but I was oaky with eating ham because that was easy to digest. The other girls would freak out about ham because of the cLories. It broke my heart to see them like that. Keep praying for them and encouraging them, and really get to know them. I will b praying for you too, and don't ever give up. :)


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