morning reflections

January 3, 2012

Morning time is always a good time for me to reflect on what happened yesterday. So much happened all at once that I am still trying to make sense of it all.

I've been on a journey with these allergies for eight years-since I was 12. It's been painful. Uncomfortable. Annoying to the umpteenth degree. But I had no other choice other than to muddle through and deal with the problem the best I could.

In the beginning of all this allergy stuff, it appeared to me that the people I told this strange revelation about either didn't believe me, chalked it up to me being a kid, or that it was all in my head. I felt alone in this.

For a long time that's exactly how I felt. My mom began to realize later that these complaints were more than just a child trying to get attention. I was serious. The pain was only getting worse. And my only solution was to go on living a normal life, ignoring the pain, avoiding certain foods, and in some cases, not eating at all-which I believe is the start of my long battle with eating disorders. (I can't be for sure, though. But I do recall a period of time when I refused to eat. I dropped 15lbs in a month when I was 13.)

Of course you know what happened after all those years of trying to take matters into my own hands and solve my allergy issue on my own. It turned into Bulimia. Full-on Bulimia; and it was raging like a wild fire. While it's simmered down, it's still there. But God is good to me. So I am getting help. And soon!

Last night my mom took me aside and apologized for not getting me to an allergy specialist sooner when the symptoms turned up. I can't blame her, or my dad for the delay. I can't even blame myself. It's not my parents fault. They were doing what any parent would do for their child-exhaust all avenues and possibilities. My mom and dad are those leave-no-stone-unturned sort of parents.

I never once has any bad thoughts towards them in regards to not having taken me in sooner. It's just a part of life. And I believe that this was all in God's plan. He's writing my story; knows it better than I do, in fact. This stage in my life is another chapter to the great book called Emily's Journey: A Daughter of the King. 

Because this discovery, and new understanding of my allergies, things are looking up. Had there not been a delay I may not be Bulimic, I may not be afraid of food. But I also may not have a flourishing relationship with my mom, a healing relationship with my dad, a more in-sync relationship with my sister, and a mending relationship with my brother.

I take it that God uses every aspect of our lives to bring forth His purpose. While our sins will never be glorified, sometimes the outcome is what I like to call A Beautiful Disaster. God is good.

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