Do Not Merely Exist BLESSED SINGLENESS + FORSAKING IT ALL SAIL THE HIGH SEAS + BIBLE MAN ARMOR

No anxiety. No worry. No fear. No hesitation.

December 18, 2011

This year the Christmas seasons seems to be on xfinity turbo boost! It's coming upon us so fast that I can hardly remember what I did last Christmas season. However, I am jumping for joy because Wednesday was the LAST day of school! Can you believe it? I can scarcely believe it myself. It was almost the middle of December and school was just letting out. CRAZY!




Listening to: Sleigh Ride-Any Grant

Quote: Grandma (Esther) Walton: Rise and shine, you two!


Jason Walton: I'll rise, but I sure won't shine. 
Glorious days, O glorious days!




The Lord has been ever so good to me this semester of college. It's not my first rodeo, but it sure did feel like it! I felt like a fish out of water this semester it wasn't even funny. 




It was my first time taking a class on campus. A photography class at that, too! Stressful. And then I had African American History and Creative Writing. 




I know I aced all three classes, but I can't help but feel anxious, on-edge, and very much ready to collapse. The weight of this semester is going to come crashing down on top of me tomorrow, and I'm not sure I can handle that.  


However, with ever fiber of my being, and the help of God, I must cleave to these words (or I am a dead girl!):
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." [Philippians 4:6]
No anxiety. No worry. No fear. No hesitation. 


That Wednesday when school let out, my mom and I went to see a counselor. She was very blunt, and informative. But I was so thrilled to have someone be so forceful in saying that Bulimia "is no joke". And boy do I know that!


So before the counselor can help my any further, I need to go get some intensive help. Hence the reason why I am going to be visiting (or rather my counselor suggested we go see) a psychologist, in the hopes of being put on some anxiety meds for short-terms reasons. (To help me deal with one thing at a time without wigging out!). 


I am all for whatever needs to be done to save my life. 


"For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." [(Matthew 16:25]
Also,  this Wednesday I am going to visit Renfrew in Franklin, TN. A home for girls with various ED. My counselor says that I may need to stay there for at least 2-3 weeks minimum. I am a little scared about that, but with all these tools God is sending my way, it's hard to deny God His right to send healing my way....regardless if I deserve such a gift or not. I will take what He sees fit to give me, and in return I will continue to put my faith and trust in Him.


I am optimistic this Christmas season. Do not pity me or fret for me, for I am being taken care of by the Great Physician. I only ask for your prayers that by this time next year, I will be able to proudly state that "I beat Bulimia".


I will. I will. I will!


I hope you all have a marvelous, magical Christmas, my lovelies. 'Tis the season to be jolly, so stand up straight, walk proudly, and share with everyone you meet a kind word, simple gesture, or a huge Merry-Christmas-Jesus-Loves-You smile!

3 comments

  1. Praying that your Christmas is beautiful and every day you feel the love of Christ surround and fill you. He giveth more grace!

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  2. It sounds like you have a lot on your on your plate. I have not dealt with bulimia but I've been to counseling as a teen and became addicted to drugs and alcohol at a very young age. I also have been able to overcome these things. with Gods perfect love and grace. The one thing that helped the most was knowing really konwing how much God loved me. The weird thing was that I was unable to really know that until I truly forgave my self. To forgive my self I had to play a trick on my mind. I did that through telling myself when I screwed up outloud I would say I FORGIVE YOU KEITH. It took about 6 months before It became automatic. I hope this helps.I will be praying for you. I also have a spiritual toolbox you can check out if you want to at www.drworry.com Its under the toolcrib tab.

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  3. Hey Keith,
    Thanks for the comment. It’s really motivating and inspiring to hear someone else’s story about their struggles and how God has shown them His infinite love and grace! Any addiction is a lot to deal with, and Bulimia is no different. At times I tell myself “what a screw up”… and yet, I’m coming to realize that that mindset is counterintuitive. I don’t want to be destructive, but productive; and telling myself that I’m a screw up doesn’t help matters. It only keeps me from being able to see the error of my ways in a positive light, forgive myself, and move on.
    However, I have a feeling that God is using this time in my life to prepare me for the purpose He’s got in store for me. It’s frustrating, you know, not to know exactly what that is. God’s plan for our lives will always prevail over the desires of our hearts!
    I like the thought of saying “I FORGIVE ___” when I have screwed up. Instead of bashing myself over those things, I am going to make a conscious effort to forgive, because the longer I smolder over these infinitesimal details, the harder it is going to be for me to hear God calling out my name, and forgive myself.
    I’ve been repeating to myself a line over the past couple of days that has really helped me when the urge to purge becomes overwhelming: “I am a daughter of the King”. That line is so powerful. And with every repetition of that line, I begin to believe it more and more, and the acute sense of how it affects me in that destructive state of mind is amazing—Satin really doesn’t like that! The more I say it, the less hold he has on me.
    I really do appreciate your comment, Keith. It was a blessing to me today. It has encouraged me.
    Blessings,
    Emily

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