handle of anxiety

Lately I have been finding myself to be a little more nervous than usual. Ha-ha...that sounded kind of odd. I mean, how much more anxious can one be when they're dealing with a life threatening addiction? (I refuse to call it an illness or a disease. It's something that can be overcome completely). Obviously I can come pretty close to trying if I have a mind to do it.

But it's no good to dwell on the "what-ifs" in life. Especially when they haven't even happened yet. Being anxious, nervous, or stressed, I tend to turn to the so-called creature comforts that Bulimia provides (these have been getting fewer and fewer as I come to terms with some things). 

Certainly not a hostage situation infused with self-mutilation practices. Does it really help me in the long run? No. Short-term? Yes, I guess. It's a strange question to be asking myself. Either way, it's harmful, disrespectful, and a violation of the body God created to be His temple.

I don't know for sure what's going to take place at Renfrew (a step-down program for girls with ED). That's what has me all squeamish inside. 


(My life is beginning to sound like that Snoopy LIFE commercial on TV!)

Worry. Not a healthy way to deal with the unknown. And purging does not have the power to change the outcome of the future. Or rewrite my past. Or heal my bleeding heart. 

Henry Ward Beecher says it best: 
Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.
It's so true, what Beecher has to say. I have to remind myself of that very fact on a day-to-day basis. I can accept anxiety and allow it to consume my entire life. Or I can grasp tightly to the "handle of faith" and let it fill my soul.

Which one sounds better: faith or anxiety? Uh, definitively FAITH!

Thus, I would like to leave you all with a new-found favorite of mine; a verse in Hebrews.While I may not know all that's going to happen with the Renfrew situation, it's my job to relax and have faith that God's hand is in all of this. That "He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" [Philippians 1:6]. 

I have to trust that God knows best. I have to rest in the fact that because I am still alive when I probably shouldn't be is a sign that there are greater things in store for me. I have to have FAITH.
Do not now throw aside that former joyful confidence of yours. It carries with it a great reward. It is absolutely necessary that you should remain constant if you are ready to do the will of God and receive the promised blessings. [Hebrews 10:35-36]


  1. I have a problem of being anxious all the time, holding on to it with both hands, but I'm learning to slowly let go of anxious thoughts and grasp onto faith. :) Is Captivating the new name of your blog?

  2. Thanks so much, for this post...it kind of applies to me as well. Worrying, being anxious...I've posted about it too. I definitely was the recipient of encouragement from this bit of writing. :)
    But someone commented and said to me that "it's like a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere."
    blessings & prayers

  3. Praying peace and blessings on your new year. Hold hope tightly and remember that no battle lasts forever. :) Philippians 1:6 is one of my favorite verses - He will not let you go!


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