From the Inside Out
It feels odd to be back after such a long absence. I hardly think I remember how to blog, let alone who my followers are. I cannot begin to express my deep sorrows for being away for so long, but I assure you that I will attempt to make an effort in posting more often. That is, when the Lord has given me something to write about.
First off, I’d like to introduce myself (for those of you who don't know me): My name is Emily Shae and I am an 18-year-old college Sophomore. I am battling Bulimia, and have been for 2 years now. The story behind how I became bulimic is fairly lengthy, thus I will not delve on that a whole lot.
However, I would like to mention that the purpose for this blog is to empower girls to discover their beauty in Christ as I discover my own. One of the many reasons for this "revamped" blog is to rejuvenate my love for myself. Bulimia takes its tole on the mind, body, and spirit; and it weakens the body physically, runs wild with one's emotions, and makes people ineffective for Christ.
I don’t know about you all, but I want to feel confident about who I am in Christ (Phil. 3:7-11). And until I feel that way, I will not feel confident in my self and my abilities.
In addition to this list of many reasons, I want to learn what it is to truly love so that I can, in turn, know how to love my family-my mom, dad, sister, and brother. If you or someone you know has bulimia, then you understand that it affects family members just as badly as it does you or me. I know it does my family. They are all consumed with worry for my life, who I've morphed into, my relationship with food, them, and Christ.
I don’t want to go about my life binging and purging while they worry. Actually, I don’t want to worry about them worrying at all while I puke what I ate for breakfast. I’d rather not have to puke up every meal, not have to wonder what my family thinks of me, feel the guilt and shame that weighs heavy on my heart, or worry for my family whose worrying for me.
See what I mean by a vicious cycle? It’s not worth it.
And so I end this post with a silent prayer:
Fairest Lord Jesus,
I come to you today asking for your blessing on this study. I am ready for a change-no, in need of a change so desperately that my soul aches for Your Living Water to stop the burning thirst. Fill me up with your love and quench this unbearable hunger and emptiness that is plaguing be daily.
Lord, I want you to consume me from the inside out. Bulimia is only an outside force that has overtaken my body, and only You, my Great Physician, can heal me. Everlasting, Your glory goes beyond all things…Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades.
So heal me, Lord. I am broken. I am tired of feeling worthless, useless, and embarrassed to call myself a Christian. I know what I’ve done does not make me any less of a Christian, but I want my whole life to be solely for you. Help me to live a Godly life, and show me what it feels like to know that I meet your definition of beautiful.