thankful thoughts

November 30, 2011

Listening To: Happy Holidays-Bing Crosby
Quote: "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."-Author Unknown

I am sitting here on the center cushion of my couch, cuddled in the midst of seven Christmas pillows, under a chocolate brown fleece blanket, watching Criminal Minds, pondering all that has happened this past week. Since my phone call from my doctor about my potassium levels, I have been back once already. This was to check my potassium levels again after downing a gargantuan amount of Orange Juice. I feel like I am swimming up to my eyeballs in that orange liquid. 

Yesterday, I went to get an ultra-sound of my Thyroid. They said it was enlarged. And so, I now have to go to another doctor to have him get a closer look at it to make sure it's nothing serious. My main doctor thinks I may have Grave's Disease and Hypothyroidism. Also, I have another appointment on Monday for another blood test. {I'm going to be a pickled prune when all is said-and-done!}. 

It's all exhausting, and from time-to-time I do notice a difference. I feel better. However, when I do throw up it starts that vicious cycle all over again, making me feel guilty, ashamed, and cruddy. I pray that we're on the right track in perusing a course of action fro treatment and counseling. Mom has called a few local counselors dealing specifically in ED, but none have called back yet. I really hope they do soon!

Through all this God has been good to me. I cannot begin to clasp my mind around His purpose for all of this, or who He's teaching through these struggles. But whatever God is doing in my life, and using my to affect other's lives, I hope His blessings ooze forth with exuberance. 

"From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another."-John 1:1

God's answers are mightier than our prayers.

November 25, 2011

Listening to: Be Still-Story Side B
Thankful For: Another day to breath.
Yesterday I had a frightful scare. On Wednesday my mom took me to the Doctors to get a physical so that we could see what-if any- damage has been done to my body via Bulimia. The visit was really short and semi-sweet (minus all the questions in regards to when, how, and why this whole struggle with food began). The doctor ordered a full blood test, focusing primarily on my sugar levels, testing for Celiac Disease, and my Thyroid (which is swollen). 

Around 9:30AM yesterday morning my Doctor called the house and told my mom-in a very urgent manner-that my potassium levels were dangerously low, and that I needed to either head straight to the ER or drink an 8oz glass of orange juice every hour until Monday. The ER didn't sound all that fun, especially on a holiday, so I opted to swim in a lake of O.J. 

I didn't realize how cruddy I was feeling until I began to drink my fourth and fifth glass. My skin color had already changed drastically from a grievous blue-gray hue to a more pink-white. Everything around me seemed-as it does even now-brighter and more clear. 

Scary. The thought of me being so close to having something serious go wrong with me was too close for comfort. And I thank God that this was brought to my attention now, rather than later. And I also thank you all for your prayers, because without them, I may not have found out as soon as I did. Bless you! God's answers are mightier than our prayers. 

the joy will burn out the pain

November 23, 2011

Listening to: Jesus Saves-Jeremy Camp
Quote: Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.-Joseph Campbell
Rainy days. Grande Passion Fruit teas. Black flowered, hand-bound journals. Pastel gel pens. Neon highlighters. God's Word. I sit here at my kitchen table this gray morning, sipping on a refreshing cup of tea, reading my bible and jotting down a few thoughts. It has been a while since I've touched or even thought about my journal. Let alone my Bible. 

Since I became Bulimic life seems to always spiral out of control. I am unquestionably forgettable, lethargic, and not entirely the same person I used to be. In a way, that's both good and bad. Good because through this struggle God has, and is, showing me his Glory. Bad because I have lost myself in a world that so many die in daily. And I could easily, like so many others, at any time, die from this. 

Morbid of me to think that way, but there's no sugar coating my way around it. Continuing down this path that I am on will surely cost me my life, my relationship with my family, and with my God. I don't want that. What I want is to be whole. To live a life electrified by love. A love of God. A love of my family. A love of myself. A love of God's people. 

I feel like a dead man walking, too weak to think clearly or act. I move throughout my day in a groggy daze, feeling empty. Yes, empty is a feeling--a feeling, mind you, that hurts lime any other sorrowful emotion or feeling. It's a strong, powerful feeling, to feel nothing. You feel so hollow inside because you know something is missing--a joy that surpasses what this world has to offer. 

God has continued to teach me things that blow me away. And whether I fail to recognize them, learn from them, or appreciate them, He is still blessing me. And answering my prayers. Sometimes God moves a little slow for me. But He doesn't work according to how fast I want things; instead, he works according to what He knows is best for me at that particular time. A trip around the world can wait. A job can wait. Striking out on your own can wait. What needs to happen now, He tells me, is that you "get well". That's what you need most right now. The other things can wait. This is more important. You're life is more important to Me. 

So, I have been getting glimpses of what joy feels like--a truly exhilarating feeling in comparison to nothingness. It's almost too much! He's working on me one heart beat at a time. And I am thankful He's determined to show me His unyielding love. He hasn't given up on me yet, and I am clinging to the promise that he never will!

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”-Deuteronomy 31:8 

Grace that Is Greater

November 16, 2011

Listening to: Hey, Soul Sister by Train
Thinking: how cute balloons look all puffed up and floating in the sky.

Grace. No, I'm not talking about grace as in being "graceful", but that of God's grace. For the past few Sunday's my dad has been going through the book of Galatians. Before venturing into the letters of Paul, I honestly didn't realize how much God has given us, and how free we are under grace. 

The Bible, in general, is very deep, intricate, and though provoking. What's funny is that God never intended the Bible to be such a controversial book. In fact, God plainly states that He is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). And yet, that's what it has become. The Bible has become a confusing conglomeration of unsound theologies and doctrines; this is because people have twisted the Word of God. It's jaw dropping that when some dig deep into the Word, they end up digging too deep, or in the wrong place. Taking the Bible for what it says rather than what it doesn't or "should" allows us to experience Him freely, rather than be bound to the things that keep us from experiencing the freedom God has allowed us to be a part of.

Anyhow, in my dad's Bible study on Galatians, we've been digging deep into the meaning of grace. {Note that sometimes digging deep into the Word is a good thing when done for the right reasons (i.e., to fellowship with God, understand His purpose, and learn). But when we do it for ungodly reasons, that's when it becomes a problems and can lead to confusion and doubt}. Galatians is such a focused book, but there are a lot of controversies surrounding the subjects dwelling within it as well. Like I said, people like to miscue the Word, which creates confusion!

A lot of what we've been going through in Galatians has resounded in my heart like an atomic bomb. It's become so real to me-the love of Jesus Christ, His grace and mercy, our identity in Him; and that the Christian life and God's grace is not secured by personal works (Ephesians 2:9)

Amazingly, God works is ways that I cannot describe, but would be the first to testify. His love is penetrating, deep, everlasting and thirst quenching. In the past few months God has been taking my paper heart, molding and teaching it how to fly. From a two dimensional girl, He's transforming me into someone who's more real than I could ever imagine. My heart is so full of hope and faith in His good works that it hurts, and it feels that it should burst!

Grace is such a small word. Only five letters to be exact. But residing in that small, humble word is an intoxicating love and gift from our God. Don't discredit this little word; it packs a powerful, awe-inspiring punch. My dad said that the meaning of grace is to "describe an act that goes beyond the ordinary course of what might be expected, but was done for those who were friends." What he means is that the Maker of the Stars loved us so dearly that He went beyond the call of duty to bring to His enemies [us] reconciliation and salvation through His life (Romans 5:10)!

Just thinking about how God chooses to give us this gift of grace without expecting a thing in return makes me shiver. Unable to pay attention to anything around me, I ponder the question "Why?" as tears sting my reddening eyes and trickle off my eyelashes. This question is easily answered: because He loves me. God's motives are not to prove that we are incapable of ever upholding the law and being sinless. His only motive is for us to experience His overflowing river of love and grace; and to come back to the Father when we are weak.

A while back my dad mentioned that "God's unlimited love is expressed in measureless grace" (I John 3:1). What exuberant love God chose to bestow upon us as He died on Calvary's cross! The ability to rejoice and bask in the love and grace of God, without ever deserving it, is truly a blessing. What a God we serve; that He would love us to the ends of the earth, even to death on the cross.

In my dad's Sunday school lesson he asked, or stated, this question to the class: “What manner of love?”, which in the Greek means “what foreign kind of love?".  I thought it of course to be very thought provoking, and so I asked my own variation of the question above: "What Love Is This?" The love God displayed at the cross is a foreign concept to us, because as selfish human beings, it's the furthest thing from our mind. That God would give up His son Jesus Christ to die a sinners death is a characteristic that we, as humans, cannot duplicate. Our simple minds cannot begin to grasp the significance of such a sacrifice, let alone accept it without questioning. According to my dad, "the substitutionary atonement never came from the mind of man, but from the heart of God", and this is why, as dad put it, that "God's action at the cross was extraordinary beyond measure and was praiseworthy and thank-worthy." 

This means there is no room for good works on the part of the sinner whereby he could ever earn salvation, and there is no room for good works whereby one can retain salvation. (Wuest).

Learn It & Live It

November 15, 2011

Matthew 1:1-17

Learn It: Family is important.
Live It: Today find out something about your family that you never knew before.

Matthew 3:1-2

Learn It: Your yeart is sinful and need to be changed.
Live It:Figure outone thing about the way you're thinking that's wrong. Ask God to help you really focus on changing it for two weeks.

Matthew 5:23-24

Learn It: You shouldn't take Communion of you tre

Do you believe in Magic?

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."~Roald Dahl

Authentic People Blog Party!

November 14, 2011

{Who I am & Why I Blog}

I am a girl. Yeah, that one's pretty obvious. But I am not just a girl. I am a girl striving to live my life for Christ. To understand His purpose for my life. And to surrender my life to the only one who can make me whole again.Whole again--as in healing me from Bulimia. Do I want to get well? Yes.

I blog because I love to write. But that's not the main reason why anymore. I want this blog to be a place of encouragement and comfort for those souls who are in need of some TLC. I want to empower girls with eating disorders to think positively about who they are, understand their worth and value to God (who's opinion of us is the most important opinion we will ever get), and to reach for the heavens. So many girls are struggling, and even though my struggles may not be big compared to some, I want to offer them will a little slice of kindness and hope as I receive them from Christ who gives me strength.

{Some Weird Things About Me}

1} What's the nerdiest/geekiest/weirdest thing about you?
I love toe socks! Especially the bright kind.  I make up my own words (so many I can't even remember one to share with you. lol) And over sized grandpa sweaters, and silly pens, and Almond butter. (Is almond butter geeky?). 
2} If you could live in a fictional universe from any book, movie, or television show, what would it be?
I would live in a fictional universe, a book/ movie to be exact, that was serene and peaceful. I quite like the thought of Pride and Prejudice, or Little Women. 
 3} Little or big, practical or frivolous, what is one of your favorite items in your house?
It's nothing really, but I like my lava lamp. :D I love watching the bubbles somersault around in the glass tube. 
4} Do you like animated movies? If so, what is your favorite?
Yes! Yes! Yes! I have so many favorites that I don't have enough fingers or toes to count them all. The Polar Express is one of my traditional all-time favorites. I watch it every December (every time it's on). I can watch The Incredibles over and over again; I think I've watched it at least 56 times! And Shrek is beast. 
5} What is your favorite household chore?
Are you crazy...favorite chore? Okay, I have to admit that I am a big fan of chores. I know, I am crazy, but it's true. Vacuuming is a very relaxing chore, and cleaning the bathrooms are most enjoyable! Hmm...that was more than one. 
6} What's your favorite thing to get at Starbucks (or your favorite coffee shop)?
Passion Fruit Iced Tea! Yup. It's delish! And one of the only things I can have at Starbucks. The tea isn't too sweet, just a tad bit tart, and all around refreshing. 
7} What is your favorite pizza topping?
Cheese. No, pepperoni. Wait, olives. Maybe... Pineapple? ...Mushrooms...Now I'm confused. I'm gonna have to go with Cheese AND Pepperoni AND Olives AND Pineapple AND Mushrooms. Everything...and all-of-the-above!
8} Waffles or pancakes?
Neither. I don't really enjoy either, unless it was Cracker Barrel's Pancakes. But they aren't gluten-free. :(

9} Do you like to play games? If so, what is your favorite?
Shoot. If only I could get my brother and sister to play games with me I'd be one happy girl. I am a looser when it comes to LIFE. But I'd have to say that that's my favorite game. I always end up with seven children, living in my car, and having a stupid career. 
10} Have you ever let anyone win a game?
My brother. Sometimes. But usually I don't. I am too competitive. Prolly why no one will play with me anymore. 
11} Have you ever dyed your hair?
No. But there's always a first time for everything. And considering the fact that I am 18-years-old and already have a collective amount of graying hair makes me thing that it's a possibility.
12} Do you make your bed every morning?
Most of the time. Hardly ever do I leave it unmade. I cannot leave my room without a clean, and well-made bed. Sometimes I get lazy, though.
13} Picasso or Norman Rockwell?
Norman. Picasso is just, well, way too Picasso-y to me; too sporadic. I like the normalcy of Norman and how cute and funny some of his paintings are. 

This one's my favorite.
14} Do you like carpet, tile, or hardwood floors?
What about linoleum? Does that count? Linoleum throughout the house. Hardwood in the living room, on the stairs, and in the halls. No carpet-->GAG!
15} If you could put one thing in a safe under your bed, what would it be?
My family videos OR Family photos OR all my journals. I haven't quiet given that one much thought. Which one!!!!!????
16} What's your favorite condiment? are talking to the Queen of Ketchup. Oh yeah, baby!

17} Have you ever thrown up on someone (excluding when you were a child)?
No. I am proud to say that I have not have the privilege to have puked on anyone. Yet. It's usually coming out the other end. Not pleasant. You really learn how much your mom loves you when she's the one cleaning it up. :D
18} What was the last thing that made you laugh?
My sister. she left me a comment on Facebook telling me to do jumping-jax on college campus. Haha.
19} Think fast...what's the first song that pops into your head?
I'll Take You back by Jeremy Camp. This song reminds me that no matter what I do, God will always take me back regardless of how far I've strayed. I love that about God. 

Love is Life's Motivator

November 10, 2011

Good morning to you all. Once again it’s time to dive into God’s word and explore the meaning of LOVE! Let’s start off with a prayer, shall we?
Gracious Heavenly Father,
I come to you today as an act of submission. Lord, I fall down and lay our crown at your feet. Take it as my offering. Today, Lord, use this day to further show my what love realy means and how I am to apply it in my life.
LOVE is life’s biggest motivator. Money, drugs, alcohol, sex, even food, can be a love that motivates us in our daily lives and draws us away from Christ. For a mother, her love for her child is her motivation. For a Pastor, his love for his congregation is his motivation. For a Soldier, the love for his country is his motivation. For a teacher, the love of her students is her motivation. And for a Bulimic, the love of food is their motivation.  
In 1 Cor 13:4-7 it tells us this about what true love is: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.
Who do you know that exemplifies these characteristics of love? I know I cannot even begin to obtain this level of love while submersed in an eating disorder. There are too many variables prohibiting me from experiencing this type of love. It’s almost as if there is this Rose Quartz Bell Jar over me, blocking out the God’s love rays. But, in reality, I am the one that is prohibiting myself from experiencing a love so fulfilling. 
Being Bulimic myself (and hoping to heal from it by the renewal of my mind), I have encountered a catastrophic characteristic within myself that I knew existed, but not to the extent that it is now-ANGER. When Bulimics binge and purge (B/P), they end up really messing up our hormones and electrolytes. This can be serious, if they're not careful, “Electrolytes are vital for proper electric signals in the heart. One of the most serious dangers of electrolyte imbalance in bulimia is heart arrhythmia (irregular heartbeat). A heart problem is not only one of the dangers of bulimia; it is a leading cause of death associated with Bulimia Nervosa” (TREE).
What I am trying to get at is that when people B/P, their hormones get all out of whack and, because of this, their emotions are way out of line. I’ve noticed this within myself. Since the two years I’ve been bulimic, the anger that I’ve kept suffocating inside of me has inadvertently found it’s way out….  
The Love Dare states that anger “can fuel hatred in his heart until he feels like attacking his enemy” (2). This doesn’t mean that the hatred we feel will propel us to “attack” and “kill” bulimia (which is in no way our friend. And yes, it is our enemy). But that’s not what it’s talking about here. Actually, what it is talking about is that anger fuels hatred, and this hatred can subsequently be directed towards those we love and those we don’t. 
Unlike Anger, which is the complete opposition of the definition of LOVE, love is the spark that plants that characteristic of kindness, the kind of selflessness that causes a man to “lay down his life for his friend” (The Love Dare 2).
Another characteristic that goes against the definition of LOVE is selfishness. And selfishness, according to The Love Dare ”drives a woman to tighten her grip and harden her resources” (2). The Bible mentions that those who are selfish “defies all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1 ),  will “find disorder and every evil practice” (James 3:16-17), and are “without understanding” (2 Corinthians 10:22).
But love inspires a person to “open […] their hands and give sacraficially” (The Love Dare 2). Love is the purest and most powerful motivator. Why? Because love gives rise to “courage [in a] coward and wisdom [in a] fool” (2). Eating disorders, mind you, are powerful forces in themselves. It’s hard to break the pattern once it’s been set. I believe that because of my lack of understanding about what LOVE really means, and truly living a loving, Godly life, Bulimia has, in a sense, turned into that love that I’ve been trying to find.
But instead of Bulimia beign the finger in the dam, keeping the flood of paintful emotions from breaking through the thinly built cement barier, LOVE needs to be that bandage, that “finger in the dam”. Because when love invades our hearts, “we are empowered to endure deeper pain, willingly pay a greater cost, and run risks to your reputation for the sake of another”(2).

We're constantly bombarded with people who are telling us we're worthless. They play with our self-confidence, and make us feel insecure. People don't understand that words hurt, and they can have a huge affect on a person's self-esteem. 

Beauty isn't only skin deep. I know it's a saying that many people say, but what counts is the beauty on the inside. 

Come join me in the love project, where learning to love like Christ starts NOW with learning loving yourself as the beautiful, Godly creation you are! 

what you do makes a difference

November 8, 2011

 How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.~Anne Frank



November 7, 2011

My cat plays with my toes as I attempt to get out of the bed.
But it's cold and the sheets are warm.
My mom's at my door singing to me a song,
One that's annoying and sounds like an out-of-beat gong.
"Get out of bed Sleepy Head!" she says, not meaning any harm.

When I get up and get dressed, I stop to pray
To God for giving me another day;
To stand at my bed and say:
I thank you for the beauty in the trees,
And all that my eyes can see.
The colorful leaves, bright orange, yellow, and red.
The way the sun makes them sparkle,
Makes me wish the sun never had to go to bed.

After breakfast and a glass of milk,
I slip into fleece socks that feel like silk.
I pull on my shoes, and slip on my coat.
Grabbing my camera and keys, I head out for a ride.
My mission is to take pictures, and not to get a sore throat!

I hit the winding road caring little of where it’ll take me;
Hoping to get good shots of the beautiful scenery.
I’ve got the heater on in the car, and the windows are getting foggy.
Right now I could use a good hot bowl of beans and barley.
As I drive, I can’t believe my eyes!
The storm that had hit last night,
Has left a colorful rainbow delight.

I hope when I get hope mommy will have made Apple Dumplings.
Those delicious pockets of sweet fruit and syrupy butter,
Oh the feeling that is brings!
I mustn’t be distracted by the chilling feeling that I’ve got.
I must continue, until my mom calls and tells me to stop.
I will continue driving about and taking pictures,
 Because soon, this vivid picture of striking fall colors will bid me adieu.
And will bring along with it the need for snowshoes.

Upon my journey home, about to put my camera up, 
I spot a fallen leaf that had not been there at sunup.
It was of a beautiful golden tone.
And it sparkled at the fading sun shown
Through the trees and onto my cheekbone.
The leaf stuck out on its own, as if to say its last good-byes.
“I will be back next year” it seemed to say in a hushed, relaxed tone.
And so I left to go inside, leaving the peaceful, last leaf of fall all alone. registered & protected

Love is the greatest of these

November 6, 2011

Before I plunge head-long into today’s post, let me take a moment and bow my head in prayer.
I don’t always know what you’re doing-what you’re plans are in my life, but I pray that whatever those plans are, you give me the strength and courage I need to face them head-on.
Lord, today I ask that you bless me tremendously. Open my eyes up to what true love is, and help me to be able to carry out what you command of me in sincere love.
As I write this post, I can't help but looking back at the past 1-almost 2 years-of my life as a journey. I have learned some things that have changed my life, and have made me a better person because of it. But my battle with Bulimia is, for the lack of words, deeply rooted itself into every fiber of my being, and has changed a lot of who I am physically and mentally. 
This change is temporary, of course. That is, if I chose to get well and allow Christ to consume me and heal me. I am fervently working towards that with every bite I take. It's not easy. Especially when I am so afraid to eat. Not because I'm afraid of getting fat, but because of the pain food causes me. That's the reason I began throwing up in the first place.
Believe it or not, it's to be expected of those with severe food intolerance. But who wants to be one of those people who do the expected? I want to do the unexpected. I want to win, live, and serve the Lord. That's the unexpected.
When dealing with an Eating Disorder I never feel full-satisfied. Life appears dull and unattractive, like I often feel in person about the way I look. Self-confidence is a real bugger, you have to guard it with your life, and take comfort and confidence in the Lord, not yourself. I have been reading Paperdoll lately and, well, I want to experience the complete thirst quenching love that is so fresh and sweet, that it catches me off guard.
I want to experience love, and in turn, show others the love God has shown me. 
God commands us to love. Easier said that done, right? Love isn’t an easy thing to do. For one, it’s not an easy thing to do-love someone. It’ even harder to express those feelings verbally to someone.  
So, what is love? We all know what love is, but do we really know how to love? There are different types of love: loving someone and loving something. Anyone can love something (i.e cats, dogs, poneys). These things are usually superficial. Loving your dog, cat, or poney isn’t the same as loving your mom, sister or dad.  
God tells us that our true purpose in life is to love Him (Matthew 22:35-40). However, when it comes down to the wire, it is up to us whether or not we choose to live this life of LOVE. Like I mentioned above, there are two types of love, a love for something and someone. The difference between the two is this:
  • One is priceless
  • The other is meaningless
As stated in The Love Dare, “Love is the most important ingredient to any meaningful relationship” (1). Whether it be a relationship with family, friends, or yourself, love is the most valuable ingredient. Take it this way, if you are baking a Sugar Cookie, but don’t have the sugar needed to make it sweet, the outcome is a bland, tasteless, bitter cookie. Same way with the love ingredient. If there is no love in our lives, we become bland, tasteless, and bitter people.
Believe it or not, the quality of life is centered on the “amount of LOVE flowing in you and through you to others” (The Love Dare 1; emphasis on love added). Love is more valuable that rubies, pearls, and gold, honor or fame. When these things fade and deteriate they become useless to us, but as those things go away, love always remains (Matthew 6:20). We, as human beings, cannot be fulfilled without love. Without it, we’re lifeless. Without love, there is a devestating void.
And here I’d like to stop to point out that when submersed in an Eating Disorder, one's attention is so focused on those materialistic needs (i.e. food); and get so caught up in the things that mean nothing. The things that fade and deteriorate overtime. If you’re feeling empty, lifeless, or have a huge void in your life that you’re trying to fill by using food as your crutch, maybe what you’re really after is a love so sound it’s unshakable. After a love that is so filling you’ll never be hungry again (in a spiritual sense). 
I know I am.
In the life of a Bulimic the greatest obsession is food. For me, it seems to be my lifeline, my comfort. (The truthful words). Wouldn't you say it’s kind of like our love-the love that should really be reserevd for Christ, and our families and friends? What use is it-being able to love-if we use it for the wrong reasons? It’s ineffective. Replace that absorbtion of food with being absorbed by God’s unwavering love. Do something that gets you motivated; do something for others.
That's what I'm going to do.
When love is not present things tend to go down hill. For one, our spirituality becomes fake. Without love there is no true spirituality, and without benevolence there is only self-centerness, and without sacrifices there is only insincerity. In John 15:13 it says that “greater love has no one than this,that someone lay down his life for his friends.”
Now, I want you to keep this in mind: “When love is not [our] motivation, expect to feel bland, and unfulfilling-if not meaningless” (The Love Dare1). These feelings sound all-too familiar, don’t they? I know I feel this way after I binged and purged. Not only do I tend to feel unfulfilling- in being unfulfilling, I am not really fulfilling anything by constantly having my head down the toilet. I am not using my Godly talents for His purpose. I am, in a sense, DEAD. Instead of giving my problems to God, I take matters into my own hands (which usually involves running away from my problems) and fill that void with food, expelling those problems by purging, and repeating the process because I am never fully satisfied-, I also feel bland, and meaningless, as well as guilty, ashamed, and embarrassed. 
I feel this way because deep down I know that I am hindering myself from embracing the fullness of life; keeping myself from truly experiencing the love of Christ; and preventing Him from using my as a vessel to reach others for His name sake. I have realized that by allowing Bulimia to control me, I am essentially allowing it to make me ineffective for Christ. I become a rotting piece of fruit on a peach tree. A dead limb that needs to be trimmed from a grape vine. 
“Even so every good tree brings forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree brings forth evil fruit” (Matthew 7:17).
Lastly, I want you all to keep this in the forefront of your minds today: God’s greatest command is that we are to love God with all that we are and love our neighbors as ourselves. We must love God first, then we must love ourselves. But until we are ready to embrace and love ourselves, we cannot fully love others. Loving ourselves is not a selfish thing. If you are being kind to your body and taking care of yourself, then it’s okay to have “me time” every now and then. 
 But, here’s my question for you all today before I leave you with my dare: are you ready to embrace a life of love?
  • 2 CORINTHIANS 13:2
  • MATTHEW 22:37-40
  • MATTHEW 7:17
  • JOHN 15:3
  • MATTHEW 6:20
[This Weeks Dare]
Pray this week: “Lord, teach me what real love is and make me a loving person.”
Also, take a moment to pamper yourself. Go for a jog, take a hot bubble bath, or paint your nails-whatever makes you feel at peace. Learning to love like Jesus starts NOW with you showing love to yourself.