Are You There God? It's Me, Emily

I've been going through some really rough stuff lately. Well, actually for the past year and a half. During that time (even now) I felt like I've been stranded at sea, tossed relentlessly by the waves. 

Who did this to me? What was I doing in the ocean? When did this happen-did my boat sink? Where was I and how long had I been out there? Hours? Days? How did I get in this situation? Where had my safe harbor disappeared to? 

Was I to die alone? Who would remember me after I was gone? How would they remember me? As the girl who was lost at sea, drowned in her miseries; hopeless and faithless; struggling to survive and keep her head above water?

Ships as tall as skyscrapers passed by me. They didn't hear my cries for help. My silent, desperate cries for rescue, for a Savior. They passed by me without ever thinking twice about who might be lost at sea. They left me. Alone and tired, cold, wet, and scared, and drowning. 

With no inkling of help coming my way, I continued to float helplessly in the waves. I was gasping fearfully for breath. The water was tussling me around; there was barely enough time to get air before I was dragged under the waves again.

I needed air! I was drowning. Drowning under the pressure of the mighty ocean. 

Was I to float there, tossed violently by the waves, only to succumb to my doom with little hope of being rescued? What would get to me first? The sun? Starvation? Thirst? Sharks? Lack of air? The odds were stacked against me, and I began to loose hope that I would be rescued, let alone live another day.

My last resort?

What was I to do? If I stayed where I was, I would die for sure. But, if I swam, exhaustion would surly finish me off.

And so, I began to pray. While the ocean spat at me nasty curses. Taunting me it did as its salty sprites of foam crashed into my face. It stung, but I dare not budge. I continued to pray. The sea laughed at my misery and seemed to enjoy my pain. It smiled. I frowned.

But, I continued to pray.

Surly there was a merciful God who cared! There must be a God whose love went beyond loving those who were safe and good. I was for certain that God was the kind of God who was loving, caring, fair, just, and merciful. The kind of God who cared enough and loved me enough to answer my prayers....

Would he answer them? Would he hear me over the roar of these mighty waves? Would be even see me floating in the vastness of the big blue wilderness? Did he even care if I lived?

He had too! Oh, he just had too!

But, why would he care to save a sinner like me, anyhow? It wouldn't be a total loss if I were to drown-one less sinner, right? 
What would it matter?

Yet, as I was rocked back and forth by the waves, God choose to do something my hopes, prayers, and faith had told me wasn't possible. What I thought was a lost hope, had become a reality. There in the midst of the vast ocean, a Steam Liner appeared. My save haven! 

God had chosen to shed his grace and mercy on me-a sinner. And yet, he loved me enough to save me from my hurt, pain, and hopelessness. 

I was saved from more than just the waves. I was saved by more than by His grace, but by His blood.

He really did love me!
"Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me" (Psalm 50:15).
"The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth" (Psalm 145:18).
"'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" (Mark 11:22-25).

Often pray that God will give me healing, strength, and an answer to my stomach pain. Sometimes, however, I do not understand His reasoning, or why he wishes to answer my prayers so slowly.

But, there has to be a reason for the way God works. He's not on my time, but does what He wishes according to His time and what he knows is best for us.

I'll never understand it, but I know that while I wait for Him to give me answers and healing, I will Love him, NO MATTER WHAT!

Trails and tribulations are never without a life lesson to learn. A lesson we could accept and allow it to help us in the future, or deny and consequently have to relearn again. 
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"(Romans 12:12 ).
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds" (James 1:2).
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you" (1 Peter 4:12 ).

God is teaching me so much more about Him that I could ever have wished to learn by going to Church and reading the Bible. Because, without having to put what I've learned into practice, I can never apply it successfully to my life and the struggles I am facing. 

God has been teaching me things that I have always thought I was good on; faith being a major one. I used to think that I was pretty faithful. I relied on God when times were good. And yet, when I was faced with this six year struggle with food complications, my faith was severely tested. Tested to it's ultimate limit. The breaking point was just around the corner. I wondered if I would remain faithful through the toughest of storms. 

It hasn't been easy. Uh, hardly! Truthfully, it's been one of the hardest things I have EVER had to do-keep the faith, even though times seem bleak and things seem to be spiraling out of control. But, that is one of the lessons He's been challenging me with. Can I keep the faith when life gets tough? Or will I give up everything because I can't see the end in sight?

So, I've learned this: No matter what, I will love Him, because He knows what I need. And even though I don't think He's EVER going to answer my prayers, He will. In due time. 
"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation" (Isaiah 12:2).
"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them" (Psalm 145: 18-19).
"Those of steadfast mind you keep in peace—because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in the Lord God you have an everlasting rock" (Isaiah 26: 3-4).

In fact, just recently, God has showed me just how Powerful and Mighty He really is.

Moment after moment seems a long time to me, waiting on God to answer prayers I think are so simple, they would only take a moment to do. Sometimes, I think that He is enjoying the visual spectacle of my pain (slushy-soda hat on, popcorn bucket in hand, and foam finger waggling away), while I struggle to figure life out on my own.

Not so! Oh, on the contrary. Even though he works on His own time, He does prevail. He does answer prayers, no matter how trifle they may seem at the time. 
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). 
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it" (John 14:13-14). 
He gave me a big glimpse of his Majesty and Mercy just yesterday. 

While He's been answering my prayers in the most unlikely of ways-small ways, too-God really revealed His love for me yesterday at the Doctors. 

I never would have thought that an answer to my prayer would have been in the form of Chiropractors. You might think this totally strange, but the things they have done to me, you'd probably consider voodoo. It's not. It's a miracle. A God send! And well, it works.

Although my road to recovery and understanding of the reasons for my stomach pain is far from over, God is guiding me. He is healing me from the inside out. All I have to do is have faith

He's healing! Hallelujah! He's saving me. 

Lord, 
From my darkness, You have given me light-a shinning beacon on a desolate hill. I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. When times get rolling, I'll praise You! And when times seem bleak and the world seems to be crashing down around me, I will praise You. No matter what, I will love You. You are my Deliverer, my Rock. I ask that You give me the strength to face each day with abiding joy and faith that moves mountains. You are good, Lord! Truly, You are an awesome God!

Amen

Comments

  1. This is amazing. Isn't God just the greatest thing ever? :D

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