Waiting...

February 2, 2010

Listening to: A Little Bit More-Bert Weedom
Wise Words: "If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."-Mother Teresa 


Marriage. It's something I desire. Something I long for. It's only natural for a girl to want to spend the rest of her life with the man of her dreams. Like every little girl, at the age of 5, I would put on my play clothes and twirl around imagining I was a princess crowned in fine jewels, and wearing a white gown cascaded in delicate Irish lace. I would lay a quilt on the floor, take a handful of anything that resembled flowers { in most cases it was a hairbrush off the dresser} and I would proudly march down the isle to meet my handsome groom. At age 10, I was reading books that possessed a slightly romantic theme to them. This, of course, only enhanced my idea of the perfect man, romance, wedding and that first kiss.

Now at the age of 17, I am pondering over courtship books in an attempt to understand and train myself to be a good, modest, pure and wholesome Christian youth. I find myself wondering when my turn will come, when will this "someone special" will arrive and who he will be. I long to have my own "special someone". 
I understand this is too early to think about marriage. I am only 17, right? I have plenty of time to wait. I am perfectly content with being single, but one cannot help but be distracted and pressured to think that we must be married now. I find myself thinking about marriage in an attempt to prepare for it the best I can, and to make sure that I am ready for that life long commitment.

Reading books on dating, courting, purity, and modesty have helped me to understand--in a insufficient way--how guys think, how they act, and how distracting my actions, words and choice of clothing can be to any guy who has eyes, a heart and a mind.
"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God...."(1 Thess. 4:3-5 3).
I am no where near ready to get married, but I find myself subconsciously preparing my life with this "special someone" without ever having met him! I have noticed that I am already searching for Mr. Right, and asking myself questions: Is he the one? Wait, maybe he's the one?! Who was I destined to be with? Who is the missing piece of my half-solved puzzle? Where is this mysterious stranger? I dream about him, yet I cannot see his face...who is he, when will I find out? Will he come find me? Will I find him? Do we already know each other?

I am gathering pictures of my ideal wedding dress, cake, bouquet, bride's dresses, music, color scheme, etc. I need to step back from all that effortless planning and focus on being me now. The single me who enjoys the freedom of not having to worry about anyone else. This is who I am now...I shouldn't worry about any of that wedding stuff. It's not going to happen in a very long time. I should stop. Think. And not rush. It's good to think about all that...every girl does! But why not enjoy being single for a while, settle into a nice starter home/apartment, get adjusted to the new job, save up, meet new people, relax and experience the things that you wouldn't normally be able to do if you were married. There is enough time for marriage, but the blessed beauty of singleness only last for so long.

At times I have asked myself if I was going over the top already longing for marriage. Was it a bad thing to long for marriage? Shouldn't God be enough? Shouldn't He be my primary focus in life? Of course God is enough, but He also created men and women for relationships. He saw the need for companionship, and to satisfy the need, He created Eve.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18).
It is unquestionable that some are called to a lifetime of singleness. And if this is God's plan for my life, then he will give me the faith I need. Yet, I strongly desire to be married. And it will most likely be something I experience.

So, at the moment I am committed to being single and staying pure for that "special someone" I am destined to meet in the future. If God wills me to marry, it will happen. But until that day comes, I shall remain in the "waiting" stage. I will trust in God and wait on him. I am thankful that he has someone special chosen for me, and I praise him through the hard times and the easy times. There will be good that comes out of this waiting period.

So, I write to my future husband a small note. I do not know where he is, but I can only imagine he is waiting for me as well....
Dearest,
I shall commit myself to a lifetime of purity. I shall wait for you. It will be hard. I will falter. I will sin. I am not perfect. But, I will not give up my fight to stay pure....for you and God. You are so dear to me. I cannot understand how someone can love a person so much without ever having met them first. This is my promise to you. I will not give up on you. So, please don't give up on me.
P.S. I love you
A Bride in Christ
Please note: Don't take this post as a desperate cry to be married. I know marriage is not the end-all in life and that a single girl like myself shouldn't worry about being married a such a young age. I don't want to sound desperate. This is not my only goal in life. Indeed I have other goals that I wish to achieve first before being married. However, I do think that it's a good thing to think about. Let me know what your views are on marriage...are they the same, or do you think differently on this issue?

2 comments

  1. I love your ideas about staying set apart. I have always tried to make it my goal to never do (or think) anything that I would not want my future husband to know or to do himself.

    Love in Christ,

    Nana

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  2. Actually, I know a very sweet Christian lady who got married at 17 and now has 7 children. Even though you probably will not get married for a while, it could still happen!

    I wanted to simply point that out--I'm not trying to oppose you or be rude. Just a thought I had. Good post! :)

    Love,
    Elizabeth Rose

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